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Between in-laws, cousins, work ...: how to manage such triangulation to avoid divorce?

14 September 2021, Seytoo
Between in-laws, cousins, work ...: how to manage such triangulation to avoid divorce?

A marriage counselor reports the interesting visit he had at his consultation; that of a couple who first told him that they adored each other, and that they considered each other as good friends. Despite this, they felt they had no choice but to divorce, as they no longer felt a strong enough bond between them.

He asked them, “You say you love each other, but want a divorce? Other than that, is everything okay?”

After probing the ground further, the wife admitted that she was upset that her husband's cousin had just spent six uninterrupted weeks with them, which made her feel like her husband cared. much more for the well-being of his cousin than that of his wife. On examining the problem more closely, the truth eventually emerges: It is that the husband felt such extraordinary loyalty to his family; that it was really difficult for him to bring his wife into thought, into the innermost circle of those to whom he was sentimentally very attached.

This problem is called triangular. The husband feels closer to certain members of his family than to his own wife. The husband created a triangle in his heart, in which his wife very well feels that she does not occupy the first place.

Eliminating “triangles” is one of the biggest challenges in all couples, especially during the early stages of marriage. It is not always easy to separate from your family of origin, to become fully attached to your spouse. However, it is absolutely necessary to go through this, for a strong marital bond to cement the couple.

The Sages ask us to give special importance to the first year of marriage. As a couple, this year is decisive for cementing the foundations of trust, respect and intimacy.

For example, during this first year of marriage, the husband will reduce his business trips; he will only undertake his business trips with the consent of his wife. Therefore, a man will leave his father and his mother, and will be attached to his wife; together they will become one flesh. By highlighting the moment when the man leaves his father and his mother and becomes attached to his wife, do they want to teach us here the particularity of the first year of marriage, by warning us against the possible risk of triangulation? .

Becoming king and queen means creating an unshakeable alliance between husband and wife. We cannot allow anything to slip between husband and wife. In short, your spouse should be your number one priority. There is no room for compromise. When couples have problems, the source of the problem is often the existence of a triangle. For couples with children, the challenge is not to let the children triangulate in the couple. So, what your spouse needs always comes before what your kids need.

Triangles aren't just formed by people; but also, by things. Sometimes the triangle is formed by professional work, or by television; or by internet. In short, anything that is likely to lower your spouse's priority constitutes a sort of triangulation. It is then necessary to restore to the spouse all his priority.

This is why couples should carefully scrutinize any trace of triangulation, define it, and eliminate it. It is not difficult to ask your spouse if they perceive any triangulation in the life of your couple. Moreover, a characteristic sign of the presence of a triangle is that you feel that you are not number one in your spouse's priorities.
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