How can love be such a paradox?
Love, relationship and family
Passion kills desire and desire can only be reborn from the frustration of desire.Updated on November 30, 2020, Seytoo
At the start of love stories, both partners are in the same state: eager to build the relationship and unsure whether they can do it. The two then increase their seductive behaviours in order to gain emotional control over the other: they thus ward off the fear of being rejected and develop the certainty of being loved.
Except that after a while your need for fusion is satisfied and you begin to feel the need to take a certain distance. Indeed, the satisfaction of the need for fusion eliminates this need. You must then withdraw so that the need for fusion can once again be revived. Passion kills desire and desire can only be reborn from the frustration of desire: I want what I don't have, not what I have. “When you're far away, I want to get closer to you; when I am satisfied [sated] with you, I want to move away ”: such is the paradox of passion.
It is during the power-sharing stage that the couple must create the right distance, that is to say a space where the need for fusion and the need for autonomy can each find their satisfaction.
All couples must therefore learn to manage a certain imbalance in their emotional relationship because there is in any couple a certain struggle for power, to control the source of satisfaction and love needs. This is completely normal. But sometimes this imbalance increases and conflicts develop.
Giving affection satisfies and reassures the dominated one who then becomes less demanding. The Basic Law of Paradox says that when your need for fusion is satisfied, the need for autonomy increases.