How to let your guard down and enjoy love?
Love, relationship and family
“Hear” means welcoming the other without judging, in the entirety of what he is experiencing today in the light (or in the darkness?) of previous events.Updated on November 27, 2020, Anna
There are events that are so hurtful that we cannot humanely consider forgiving them and that leave us mired in resentment and sadness. This is what happens to Fodé, whose wife Sarah left home a year ago after a long period of marital non-communication, during which a “listening ear” could have made him believe that a new life of couple opened in front of her… Sarah quickly realized how superficial this new relationship was compared to what bound her deeply to her husband. And she expressed the desire to come back, “as if nothing had happened,” Fodé confides to me angrily.
Because this departure caused a tsunami in him, he felt abandoned, lost, but also betrayed, humiliated. He nevertheless reacted and organized himself with courage and pugnacity. He found himself stronger than he thought and he also “pushed” his wife out of her daily life, moved without a doubt by this strong anger which is now subsiding.
But the grudge is there. Fodé is aware of being stuck in this swamp where all his feelings are confusedly mingled, but cannot yet change his attitude, which he nevertheless wishes more or less confusedly. Because if deep down he wants to re-couple with Sarah, he knows very well that he will have to start again differently, their relationship having become deleterious at the time of the breakup. And he doesn't feel Sarah in tune with his own thoughts: “She hasn't understood yet that everything that happened has changed me a lot...”
It will take time for everyone to “hear” what their partner has to say about their own experience of their previous relationship. “Hear” means welcoming the other without judging, in the entirety of what he is experiencing today in the light (or in the darkness?) of previous events. And also accept, each one, to discover, to “let his guard down,” to let the other enter his privacy.
Welcoming the prodigal son requires a real conversion of the heart and may appear to the outside eyes a real challenge to common sense: It is undoubtedly in the light of this deep process of returning to each other and of reconciliation that Sarah and Fodé will be able to rebuild a new married life. Focus on the other, and also “focus on greater than yourself...” This could be the secret of happiness.