Love and family
14 September 2021, Seytoo
It is not by treating your partner as an adversary that the problem can be resolved. So, it is time for you to learn to master the art of good couple fighting.
At one time or another, all couples fight. Constant fighting is not always considered a good thing because, in the long term, it ends up breaking the couple. On the other hand, it is just evident that fighting is just part of living as love relationships. Every couple has to go through ups and downs. There are no exceptions to this rule. What needs to be found is not a solution for not arguing, but rather a way to argue without bullying. Here are some tips you can start adopting to be able to argue with “grace”.
First of all, you should know that an argument helps to understand problems that must be solved. There must be a cause to a disagreement between two lovers. So, arguing is a way of talking about what's wrong. Instead of keeping everything to yourself, you must express your anger immediately. However, to prevent it from escalating, the conflict must be resolved as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more the anger last. In many cases, expressing your concerns helps to set the clock straight. Indeed, the conversation is no longer limited to the subject at the origin of the “drama” but extends to others.
In short, this is the moment of truth. The timing is a crucial detail to argue without bullying. It is strictly advised not to start an argument right before leaving for work. Not only is there a lack of time but it can make the day gloomy. Five or ten minutes is not enough to resolve a contentious issue. You wouldn’t even have enough time to listen to the other’s explanation. If the couple's schedules are overloaded, why not schedule a better time to have a meaningful discussion or argument. At first glance, this seems ridiculous. But in reality, it allows you to prepare yourself mentally so, you can avoid hurtful language.
Since it is impossible to avoid an argument, the best would be to make it meaningful without being hurtful. That means you have to know how to limit the damage. There is no point in going too far at the risk of igniting the aggressiveness of your partner. In other words, you have to moderate your language and tone while keeping yourself cool and calm. Admittedly, this can be difficult once you find yourself in the heat of the moment, but nothing forces you to put out hurtful or even insulting words. Regardless the situation, hurtful words are not productive for a meaningful discussion. What is advised is to stay concise, calm and factual, and give your partner the opportunity to explain. For example, if you have to argue with your boyfriend or husband about his work, tell him that you don't like the fact that he always comes home late. This inevitably prompts him to explain himself and give his reasons. Limiting what you say does not mean not admitting your feelings. On the contrary, this is an opportunity to reveal everything.
The key is to choose the right words. The art of good fighting also lies in the tone used. If one starts to scream, it is natural for the other to follow. So what you need to do is lower your tone. At some point, your partner is obliged to lower the “volume” in turn since he or she can no longer hear anything. This technique is conventionally called “low mass.” At the same time, you have to know how to listen to your partner. The situation is delicate, the nervousness settles but that does not prevent you from respecting your partner and giving him or her the time to speak.
At the outset, you wanted to hear his or her explanation, so you might as well stay with this approach. The ideal weapon is certainly humor. But it's hard to use it sometimes. However, one can always try to think about it. Because humor can often give you the answer you are looking for without fighting.
Another piece of advice is good faith. It is not because you partner contradicts himself in his own words that he necessarily wants to make you angry. The notion of good faith means that one respects the other's point of view. We always have to come back to the main subject; the objective of this argument is not to stick each other with a knife in the back but rather to explain ourselves and to resolve what is going wrong. It is not by treating your partner as an adversary that the problem can be resolved. So, it is time for you to learn to master the art of good couple fighting.
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