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Love and family

From “me first” to “self-giving”, things you should all know about marriage

15 September 2021, Aita
From “me first” to “self-giving”, things you should all know about marriage

“A husband who does not understand my difficulties and who does nothing to make my life easier...”

“My husband does not make me happy” said recently Aissatou, married for twelve years with Babacar. She then describes her disappointment at the non-fulfillment of all her desires developed since her childhood. She, who aspired to an easy and comfortable life, had to take on a job that did not interest her, take on a sometimes difficult family day-to-day, and face human relationships that were often disappointing. “And above all,” she concludes, “a husband who does not understand my difficulties and who does nothing to make my life easier.” She is even considering separation.

For some, establishing a married life can be a painful apprenticeship, which is not always a winner. Indeed, life as a couple and as a family requires a good dose of patience, openness to the reality of others, and forgetfulness in the evening. So humble, and everyone knows how these virtues are sometimes part of the fight!

The sages attest that the path to true giving is rocky, full of pitfalls and pitfalls. The route is initiatory, and the discoveries, like a treasure hunt, give us each access to the next. The journey is exciting for those who want to explore the depths of their soul. Stripping too…

“Do you think I can find happiness with my husband?” Aissatou murmurs painfully. Eh yes! Dreams as expressed are going to have to be relegated to the memory trunk. For Aissatou and Babacar to live their marriage dynamically, adaptation to reality will be the watchword of their daily life. Stop imagining my life to be in direct contact with what I have to live here and now.

What do I see? What am I hearing? What is this reality that presents itself to me? Getting up in the morning, not very funny work, the indispositions of each other, the turbulence of the children ... This is what I have to live with. Life, real, is accepting the real, the present state. Not in a sudden and disillusioned way, but in a conscious and dynamic way, optimizing as much as possible what is given to me to experience. While taking into account my limits, of course… And without waiting for others (my husband, my wife, my children, my colleagues ...) to do for me what is incumbent on me.
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