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Love and family

Should you avoid and flee conflicts between you and your wife (or husband)?

23 September 2021, Seytoo
Should you avoid and flee conflicts between you and your wife (or husband)?

Do not be afraid to expose our oppositions: this will allow everyone to exist as they are. As long as you ask yourself the right questions, and know the rules so as not to hurt the other too much.

“With my wife, we are often in conflict, and I can no longer bear these scenes which exhaust us and leave us panting and disappointed. When we don't agree, I prefer to stop the discussion, which makes my wife even angrier. And today, I fear that we were wrong in choosing to get married,” says one man.

Looking more precisely at both the triggers, the course and the feelings of these destructive conflicts, it appears that they arise during confrontations of ideas, feelings, and antagonistic intentions between these spouses. And it's up to him to lower the flag whenever this situation arises, because he feels incapable of supporting the discussion and facing the situation. He feels in danger and prefers to dodge. And fearing that he was wrong, there again, he is tempted to shirk and flee.

Some might think that this is a wise attitude. But make no mistake: if the leak avoids open conflict, it does not eradicate the opposition which then remains latent, continuing to poison relations underwater. Let's be real! Is this conflict so dreaded? Should he avoid it? Couldn't it be an opportunity to take into account the individuality of your spouse? One way to show her the respect that our love arouses?

Do not be afraid to expose our oppositions: this will allow everyone to exist as they are. As long as you ask yourself the right questions, and know the rules so as not to hurt the other too much. During these confrontations, do I know how to distinguish the different feelings that animate me (the fear of my own aggressiveness which could hurt my partner, my personal stubbornness ...) from the basic question? Unsatisfied, dissatisfaction, in one or more areas (frequent example: sexual relations) is likely to create animosity! Before daring the confrontation, it will be necessary on the one hand to admit that we suffer from these situations of opposition (and to tell it to one's spouse), and on the other hand to accept the idea that these will not destroy us.

To do this, it will be necessary to respect some basic rules: speak in the first person ("I felt", "I prefer" ...) and show active listening, that is to say by putting emphasis on mutual satisfaction of needs. Harmonious proximity is the consequence of true mutual listening.
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