Why do you need to think before telling the truth, in a relationship?
Love & Family
Before uttering words that are meant to be “truthful,” let us hasten to ask ourselves if what we are going to say will do good, will make our interlocutor grow. We do not have the right to take the other as hostage to our emotions, as a spillway, for the sole purpose of relieving us.Updated on October 14, 2020, Tamsir
Telling the truth, not lying, is a moral rule that is taught, especially to children. Lying damages the relationship, can even kill her… But then how do you keep both truth and benevolence? How can I find the best behavior between saying what I know and not saying the same thing with regard to charity?
Accept a confession
Mariama, married for twenty years to Iboulaye, reports that shortly after her marriage, her husband had then shared with her his escapades as a young man where he appeared not very respectful of the women he had conquered, “so that you are aware of the situation, of all my past life,” he added. He had told her that he regretted this behavior and that talking to her about it relieved his conscience. Mariama, at the time, had come out hurt, not so much from the facts – although her husband seemed rather miserable to her by then – as from the fact that he was reluctantly letting go of these bad memories. Today, remembering this event, Mariama is more indulgent, but she feels that it was not the right time: I was too young and still too idealistic. “I had trouble regaining confidence because Iboulaye, as he often did with his conquests, had not been respectful of who I was and had first seen his comfort when I was not able to accommodate his admission.”
Transparency and discernment
Before uttering words that are meant to be “truthful,” let us hasten to ask ourselves if what we are going to say will do good, will make our interlocutor grow. We do not have the right to take the other as hostage to our emotions, as a spillway, for the sole purpose of relieving us.
However, it is true that lies by omission also exist. In order to adjust, it will therefore be necessary to share about the events that we consider to be major and the feelings and states of mind that they may have provoked in the deep interior. But if we start to say to ourselves for such or such action or behavior that commits us “this, I do not tell my partner,” it could well be that there is danger for the relationship of the couple. And if it turns out to be too hard to share, why not get help from an outside professional third party?