Love and family

How does extreme jealousy impact your life, and what should you do?

Does the guy you like spend a lot of time flirting with other girls? Have a friend of yours started talking with other people and spending less time with you? Feeling jealous is pretty natural in these situations, but it only pulls you down. Here's how to put your mind to things and stop being jealous. Take a deep breath and remember that this is their life, not yours.

Identify the situation triggering your feelings of jealousy.

You may feel jealous when:
The man or woman you love goes out with other people, which make you feel neglected.
Your best friend seems to prefer spending time with other people.
One of your parents is starting to spend time with a new partner.
One of your children seems to rather be with the other parent than with you.
Someone else gets the recognition you deserve at work, or gets the credit for something you did in a school club.

Build your self-confidence.

Jealousy is usually a by-product of insecurity and low self-esteem. You may have fears of being let down or rejected by someone close to you, or you may focus your entire identity in one thing (work or school), and when that doesn't go your way, your confidence is completely shaken.

The best way to build your self-esteem is to act the way a confident person would. Make decisions as if you have all the trust in the world. Eventually, your feelings will catch up with your actions.

When confident people are abandoned or ridiculous, it doesn't break them. Because they know that people sometimes can't see beyond the tip of their nose and therefore they don't blame themselves.

You are a good person. Even if you 'messed up' you should just see it as a chance to learn something new. This is what confident people do best. Nothing stops them.

Avoid comparing yourself to others.

Make friends with someone you think has something they might like, and you'll find that even that person has their own inner struggles.
Even the brightest celebrities have issues you can't see. They can get over it for roles they want to land; they can lose a big game. Just because someone looks good on the outside doesn't mean everything is fine on the inside.

Instead of focusing on your flaws, think about your good qualities, skills, and the positive character traits you have. It always comes back to the same thing: becoming more confident. You have so many good qualities and special physical attributes that no one can take away from you.

Have reasonable expectations about how much time someone can give you.

If your child or partner is not spending time with you, then your concerns may be legitimate. But if someone is spending a lot of time with you, and you think it's never enough, then you're asking for too much.

Analyze yourself. What things make you need to have that other person around in order to be happy?

Meet new people and hang out with these new people, or find an activity that makes you happy. Sometimes all you need to do is take more care of yourself instead of focusing all of your energy on someone else.

Do the opposite of what a jealous person would do.

When you feel that jealousy is taking hold, don't react in a destructive way by making accusations, staying completely silent, or letting out sarcastic little hints. Instead, try to do what a confident person would do for you.

If a friend is going to hang out with someone else, recommend a good movie or a great restaurant, for example.

If the man or woman you love is talking to someone else, join the conversation in a friendly manner.

When someone gets the job you want, be nice instead of being sneaky or trying to undermine the other person. Instead, praise her and offer to help her succeed.

Recognize paranoia as part of jealousy.

Jealousy prompts you to react to a fantasy scenario that exists only in your mind. In reality, the negative things you imagine might never happen. And if they do occur, you are strong enough to overcome them. You have other people to rely on in your life, and you will move forward to be a better person.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend might call an ex to express their condolences when a tragic event occurs, such as the death of that person's mother. Don't make yourself sick about it. First, the person you love isn't necessarily hooked on an ex. Second, your boyfriend or girlfriend is just kind and caring, and that's one of the reasons you love them so much.

Your child can form meaningful relationships with other adults. You might think that your child loves someone more than you do, but that suspicion is probably wrong. As the saying goes, it takes an entire village to raise a child, and yours deserves the love of as many good people as possible.

Be confident.

It’s much easier said than done. If you get jealous quickly, your trust has surely been betrayed in the past. You have to stop thinking about the past and project yourself into the present. Consider the person about whom your jealousy arises. Has this person ever given you a reason not to trust them?

If the person has never disappointed you, then you have to assume the best about them, not the worst. A good friend will try to support your lack of trust, but only for a while. You are probably transferring your fears about someone else to a good person. And trust is a risk anyway. You have to accept the risk of being wrong to get the benefits that come with trusting when you are right to trust.

If someone repeatedly hurts you, then you need to stay away from the relationship. In this case, you have a real good reason to not trust the person. Move on! You deserve better.

Listen to your feelings because they are telling you something valuable.

If you're feeling jealous, your emotions are telling you that something is going on, and you don't like it.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend may be more flirtatious than you would like. Boundaries need to be set so that you two know what is appropriate and what is not in terms of interacting with other people. Ask your partner where he or she sets the limits (Charmer? Kiss on the cheek? Kiss on the lips? Shoulder massage? Dance?) ,and see if those limits meet your criteria.

If not, talk about it until you find common ground. Once that is established, trust your partner and don't let jealousy get the best of you.

Develop an optimistic view of people.

Ultimately, jealousy is fear-based behavior. You spend a lot of time worrying about something negative that hasn't happened yet, and might never happen. Unfortunately, you create a situation where negative things could happen because of all of your negative feelings. Ironic, isn't it? This is called a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” If you believe in someone, totally believe in the person. Good people deserve the benefit of the doubt.

In conclusion, you should know that the slightest harassment, espionage, guarding, or the slightest surveillance or accusation will not stop someone from hurting you. These behaviors will only drain your energy and blow away the good feelings in your relationship. If someone is about to hurt you, then that person is going to hurt you anyway. Don't put your whole identity in that person and you will be fine. Tell yourself the truth. You may have to admit that the person who won the promotion at work outperformed you. Learn from your mistakes and move on. The next promotion will be yours. Sometimes talking to the person about your jealousy can help. She and you can face it together. Never let your feelings of jealousy lead you to abuse someone, verbally or physically. If you can't control your anger then you need help.