How to resist the pressure from your friends?

The band you're in comes up with something that you don't really get excited about. You feel bad, but how can you say no? Several types of behaviour can help to resist group pressure.

Find allies

Not being alone will increase your ability to withstand pressure. So take aside a person you know better and with whom you are comfortable, and spontaneously tell him the bottom of your thoughts, then offer to accompany you: "I don't want to stay this evening. The proposed plan does not suit me. Don't you want to go for a walk elsewhere?". If you find yourself a second ally, even better. You are then stronger to announce your decision: “We have to go".

Play the parrot or the scratched record

You are called to train, but rather than launching into awkward justifications, repeating the same answer with determination... "It doesn't mean anything to me, thank you, it means nothing to me, thank you" ... Unmistakably, the others get tired and the pressure drops. We leave you alone, and maybe you can slip away.

Reverse roles

Do we question you and put pressure on you? "But why aren't you coming? Are you afraid to come? ... "Rather than letting yourself be threatened and questioned, you reverse the roles, you start to question the other about his behaviour without however attacking him: "And you, why are you there? Go? Aren't you afraid to get behind the wheel? Do you think you'll have more fun doing this? You're not afraid of…” If they feel unsettled, there's a good chance the others are looking for another target.

Find an excuse

If you're shy, this is another convenient way to get out of a bad situation. But take the trouble to find a plausible excuse, and act it out with determination, like a real comedian. "Sorry, I just got a phone call, my mother had a faint, I have to go..." “Ah that's silly, it's just the day I celebrate my birthday from my girlfriend”... Don't seem to ask others for permission, or apologize, but take a firm tone. Your cell phone can also do you a lot of services: you can receive an urgent SMS ... "Sorry, I have an urgent message" ... It could also have been stolen from you "Excuse me, I have it. Impression that my cell phone was stolen! Which allows you to "get out of the film" and slip away ...

Suggest another solution or compromise

You don't want to spend the weekend with this group of friends, but rather than just saying no, sweep the proposition aside by making another one that makes you more comfortable: "The weekend for me is dead, but if you want we could plan a tea session the weekend after "... So you throw the ball back into the other's court.

Turn on one's heels

Leaving the scene is often the best way not to get carried away if you feel the pressure is going to be too great. Okay, it's a bit of an escape, but be careful not to blame yourself wrongly: if you leave, it's not that you "let down" the others, it's just that you don't feel not respected, do not reverse roles. The start is a thousand times preferable to the compromise and it is sometimes the only realistic solution to get out of a bad situation. Again, no need to justify yourself. Go quickly and discreetly. You can always call back the next day with an apology. Consequence: when you go out in a group, it is always better to be independent and to be able to leave when you want in case of a problem. If you don't have transportation, come with an ally ready to walk you home, or call someone who can pick you up.

Change group?

This may be the last option to consider if you still feel like you're on a stalemate with the same group. Example: you have decided to quit smoking and you want to get back to sport but there you have it, your friends are not there ... Reconnect with other friends who are football fans ... Without getting angry , do you create other connections, change your (bad?) habits. You will no longer have to say "no", but "sorry, I am not free, I have something else".

Continue reading.