How men can decode women’s language in order to better understand them?
Life & Society
Women often think that it should be easy for men to decode their language. Isn't that obvious to them?Updated on October 20, 2020, Matar
Women like indirect language ...
This mode of expression is for a woman to allude to what she has in mind, but without expressing it openly. She explicitly expresses one thing that refers to something else, which is what she is really thinking about.
It is not wrong to say that female language is often a bit “coded.” Women often think that it should be easy for men to decode their language. Isn't that obvious to them?
The problem of the “allusion to…”
What often poses a problem, for us men, is precisely the indirect nature of female language. It is the very basis of feminine language that confuses us: The fact that they express one thing to evoke another. The root of the problem is that we interpret their message with our own codes.
What does this mean in practice?
Men tend to express themselves in direct terms. In other words, we are attentive to the literal meaning of the words.
Example: “The helm to starboard!” Clarity, simplicity. This is the basis on which we use to interpret what a woman says. The consequence is that we risk taking the thing expressed explicitly as the expression of what our interlocutor really thinks. We find it hard to understand that this thing often points to another, and that it is this other thing that is really important to a woman. This can have unfortunate consequences...
She goes through training. The first thing to do is to practice integrating the fact that women tend to express themselves in an allusive, toned down, indirect way. They are like that! The best practice is to listen to them very carefully.
Learning to listen to a woman is vital. From the moment we understand that women willingly express themselves indirectly, we automatically become much more attentive to what they express, and suddenly we understand and decode their language much better. We can see that women also communicate a lot in a non-verbal way: tone of voice, expression of eyes, body language.