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“My stepfather stole a part of me...”

13 September 2021, Annonyma
“My stepfather stole a part of me...”

“If I am writing to you today it is about my story to you, a story no doubt trivial but no less painful for me! I suffered incest for 5 years of my life from a man I trusted, my stepfather! I'm going to give you a context on my family. At 6 years old my parents separated, my father was never there and my mother was violent. Before I was 7, she got in a relationship with my stepfather and we moved in with him, it was a small apartment!”

“He started slowly, he touched me insistently by making me take my bath, he masturbated in front of me, he called it funny and very pleasant little games, I did not understand, I was barely 7 years old and no one had ever touched me the way he did.

After a month or two this was not enough for him anymore, he wanted us to go to even more fun games, and he asked me for blowjobs, I didn't want to give him what he wanted, but he told me to suck like sucking a lollipop! He told me that it was our little secret and that I shouldn't tell anyone about it because nobody would believe me anyway. I was naive, very naive

The blowjobs lasted two or three months daily, then one day when we were alone he raped me for the first time, I was in so much pain, I was so disgusted that I did not know what to do. Once he finished, he washed me and told me that I was a good little girl and that he loved me very much.

The rapes begun to happen daily when we moved into the two-story house! With the rapes, the daily humiliations and the violence of my mother, I no longer knew what to do. My mother had brought my cousin, his sister's son to the house but she beat him daily, and I was crying in my room, every day I cried when she beat him, I was 8 years and a half.

I was often alone with him and he took advantage of it and in the evening before sleeping he took me as his treat; I was so afraid. It was a madhouse and the violence was constant, and yet for everyone outside we were a model family. Who would have believed my ex-father-in-law was that bad? He hid his game too well! I begged my mother not to leave me alone with him but she was turning a deaf ear.

When I was 9 and a half, things changed for worse. My mother was hospitalized for a while and I was alone with him, he forced me to sleep with him, I hardly went out, one evening he invited his friends for a little evening game… That evening I became their toys, they were with me with incredible violence, I had bruises everywhere; I became the inflatable doll of 4 men

That night, I was really dead…

Subsequently, I obeyed him with the finger and the eye, I did what he asked of me in the position he wanted, I no longer existed, I did not want to do anything, and no one noticed my change of character, nobody saw that my pain had changed, I even had the impression that my body liked what it was doing to me, my body is getting used to doing the suffering!

When I was 11 and half, my mother left her, and I found myself alone with her, she put me in boarding school, but she ended up quadriplegic and I ended up living with my dear aunt at 12.

I went from a crazy family to a family of cocoon where I had no place, the only man I trusted had left me with my aunt, I was lost, alone, I hid everything, I was lying all the time, I had disappointing school results. But nobody was asking questions.

When I was 16, I went to live with my father who died 6 months later in my arms. I broke down, I couldn't take it anymore, it was too heavy to carry, my brain had obscured the memories but not all of them, I told my sister about the rapes, and she helped me file a complaint.

It's all about my father's quick death, the complaint, the funeral, the hearing, the exams, I was not ready.

2 years later, I called to follow up on the complaint. They could not find me, and after 40 minutes on the phone, the finally told me that the compliant was closed. I was angry, I didn't understand. I even questioned my own memories which were only bridles.

Today I am 21 years old. The memories come to the surface, I am afraid of everything and everyone, I have trouble sleeping, I cannot concentrate, I lose my jobs after a month or two, I can't hold on, I'm on my nerves all day long, I have mood swings, and I want to die, to die and feel nothing, to finally forget, my feelings are too violent for me, I have hidden them for too long and now that they come back I do not control them anymore! I'm angry and it hurts, it really so hurts…

Sorry for the length of the post. Thank you to those who read me.”

Mmasinachi Ogbechie

Its never too late to get justice.

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