12 September 2021, Madou Diack
You are in a good mood and the day looks bright. And then all of a sudden you feel like your morale and energy have been drained. What is the cause of this?
You've just met someone with a bad attitude that has cast a black veil on your own mood. While it may be a personal choice to try and help those in a bad mood, it is not always easy to do, as emotions are contagious, we are programmed to empathize with those around us and for ourselves connect to their emotions.
The negative moods and thoughts of an unhealthy person are persuasive; stress, anger, sadness, pity, their very vision of the world is tinged with negativity. If you are confronted with unhealthy people in your life on a daily basis, it can affect your own personality and make even the most optimistic sadder. Permanent negative emotions can cause illness and shorten life expectancy; unhealthy people are bad for their health and for yours. As sadness calls for sadness, sad people will try to drag you into their negativity. It's up to you to defend yourself, learn to free yourself from the unhealthy attitudes around you, and maintain your healthy, fulfilling and optimistic outlook on life.
Find out what your attitude is to life in general. There is no point in struggling for progress and success if you yourself are imbued with negative energy that is pulling you back. Take matters into your own hands. If your behavior takes the direction of self-pity (when you victimize yourself) and pessimism, you need to straighten out and make the choice to adopt an optimistic attitude and outlook. Life will give you what you expect from it, so your expectations need to be both measured and framed in a positive way. It starts when you stop blaming others for your failures and woes.
Learn to feel the waves around you. Getting to know yourself is about getting to know how you feel when unhealthy people are around you. You probably already know this, but learn to do it consciously. For example, think about how you feel when you walk into a store where everyone is friendly and looking to strike up a conversation. Then imagine yourself in a store where the atmosphere is muggy, where the salespeople barely growl a hello, they seem like they have better things to do than take care of you, blame you, and to wish to be anywhere else. The two energies are very different and you perceive it immediately. These are the same people; you will learn to consciously notice whether you are feeling playful or depressed by those around you, and so you can decide how best to react when you recognize these feelings.
Recognize the different types of unhealthy people. We all have our days without, and each of us can get depressed from time to time. However, for unhealthy people, depression seems to be permanent, and anger and sadness become part of their personality rather than fleeting states of mind. Here are some types of unhealthy personalities to watch out for:
Angry with Life: A person who is always angry, angry, screaming, susceptible is unhealthy. They need a lot of help, but you don't have to be their hotshot. By staying with them, you will also become angry, see evil everywhere, and be afraid all the time.
The world is rotten: a person who perceives life this way is always depressed and always sees the bad side of things. They love to be around people who see everything in black, who acquiesce in their paranoia and conspiracy theories. Strangely, these people tend to put their misfortunes in competition, and try to minimize the misfortunes of others. They see the mistakes of others as serious transgressions (and rarely forgive them), fear they will be abandoned, they live with the constant impression that fate is against them and have no hope. Since they don't feel capable of changing, they try to train you with them.
Those who seek to be noticed: insecure, unable to measure their worth, emotionally immature, these are the glue. They want your attention, and they want it right now, and now they have to be the center of it all. The constant need for these people to be heard and rescued will wear you out. Their inability to stop for a long time to take an objective look at themselves will cause them to pump energy and invade the lives of others - yours.
Janitors: When your own life is failing, telling people about other people's misfortunes everywhere might be these people's mantra. Or instead of keeping secrets and being a support, these people let their jealousy get the best of themselves rather than getting the best out of their jealousy. Unfortunately, it can be exciting at first to listen to the gossip, but it's like an adrenaline rush: the peak drops quickly and the perverse effects hurt everyone. If you've been trapped in gossip and have listened to it or peddled it, don't feel guilty about your complicity. Forgive yourself, promise to always speak well of others from now on, and stay away from those who slander.
The fearful: these people are full of worries, anxieties, fears, "what will happen if ...". Everything in their lives, whether it is their surroundings or crossing the street, carries fear or potential anguish, and unfortunately, this state of mind is very contagious.
Observe the people around you (or to whom you attract). Using the list above, analyze your friends, family, coworkers, and objectively decide if these people are good for your well-being and mental health. Are they pushing you to be your best or are they using you as a sponge for all their problems and woes? If so, for your balance, drop them. It may be very difficult at first because of their expectations and the sense of duty that develops over the course of relationships, but sticking with people who keep dragging you into unhappiness will never be rewarded. Politely walk away from them to a safe distance that can be maintained. You need time to better preserve yourself, to regain your optimism, your hope, and your energy.
One of our instincts is to imitate those with whom we are. It is a technique of social survival. If the mirror in front of us is cloudy, negative, or lacks self-esteem, it is better to put a sheet over it and move away for protection. Remember that you can change, but you won't change others, so don't get bogged down by thinking you are responsible for them or having pity. You can only really help a negative person if you are no longer influenced by them.
Adopt a selective ear in all conversations. Make sure you only retain the positive and constructive aspects of the discussion. Train your mind to consciously reject the negative sides. It's about choosing what you want to focus on; allow the positives to matter more to you, focus only on those. When the other person is really trying to be negative, return him energy and positive words and encouragement. If the person in front of you is struggling to consistently refute your positive propositions, it is clear that you are not letting their dark side win you over!
Pick a personal sign to remind you to spot negative conversations and bad vibes sent to you. It could be pulling a lock of hair, sticking a fingernail in the palm of your hand, rubbing your wrist, patting your knees, etc. This small gesture is a protective mechanism to remind you to consciously notice that you are being sent negativity and that it takes a conscious effort not to let it interfere with your own thoughts and moods.
If you talk to people who blame you, put it in perspective. When unhealthy people want to blame others for a situation, stay calm, stress that solving the problem is more important, not who is to blame. Looking for a culprit does not get things done, wastes time and takes away from the solution. Stick to the facts and emphasize the actions you need to take to resolve the problem. If the person who is berating you gets angry or becomes violent, step aside and give them time to calm down.
Show empathy and compassion for those who seek and spread fear. Avoid exposing yourself to their scary speeches by returning their negative comments to them. For example, if they insist that your startup is going to go bankrupt, say, "What if it doesn't? »Help them see the opportunities rather than the negatives. And when they do eventually influence you, see their fear as a kind of desperation, remind yourself that this is "their" reaction, not yours, and that you can stay determined and true to your goal.
Remember that negative emotions are always limited in time; they don't last. You don't have to continue to carry the weight of negativity on your shoulders after the date is over.
Develop a good state of mind. You can do this by accepting that certain things cannot be changed. Leave past events in their place: in the closed archives of your memory. If you're having trouble turning the page, you can ask for help to move on to the next chapter permanently. This prevents negative thoughts from spoiling and controlling your present and future personality. To escape negativity, you have to understand and learn to accept past events as lessons that help you grow rather than as the crystallization of your personality over time. Self-acceptance is part of this good state of mind, because it allows you to turn the page, and free your body and mind to achieve a healthier and more fruitful lifestyle.
Do activities that help you build yourself. It can be meditation, yoga, nature reflection, martial arts, endurance sports, hobbies that thrive you, etc. Find something that calms you down, allows you to refocus, and that you can retreat into when you need to regain energy.
Know your needs and wants. Take the time to decipher what's important to you. Get to know what you like and what you don't like and get a feel for what you would like to look like in the future. Write down your plans in black and white, and post them on the wall to serve as a reminder and keep you focused on your goals. It will also help you when, over time, you have the temptation to fall back into your old negative ways. Above all, knowing what you want in life will prevent you from hanging on to the expectations others have of you by convincing you that these are your own expectations. Always be open to what others have to say to you, but don't let yourself be swayed by anything that doesn't suit your needs and wants or what keeps you from being yourself.
Stay true to your convictions and embrace them. The doubts, regrets, apprehensions of others should not influence you or change the path you choose in life. It's common to hear thoughts like “my parents wanted me to do this, so I did it” or “my wife wanted to move to such and such a city, so we went there,” and to see the person who pronounces them to speak as if his life has been determined by someone else's decisions. There is also the perennial "if I had acted differently, now I would be rich, famous, but such and such a person prevented me from doing so." None of these thoughts are constructive for the person you are now, do not use others and their tastes as an excuse for your lack of moral values and self-beliefs. If you are confident and true to your own beliefs, you will get to where you want to go. Again, listen to others, but with discernment. Also, try to keep your distance from people who disturb you.
Sometimes you have to know how to compromise with those close to you or with those who influence your professional life, but do it knowingly, and not because an unhealthy person is forcing you to follow their choices.
Find healthy people. As everyone knows, the human being is a social creature. Over time, you will get used to being happy and looking to bond. As you maintain a positive frame of mind all the time and refuse to let yourself be taken over by negativity, you will gradually find that you are attracting people to the same frame of mind. Hang out with people who help you build a healthy body and mind, the more time you spend with upbeat, upbeat, and cheerful people, the happier and more cheerful you will feel. Their positive and healthy attitude is communicative. Likewise, when someone or something is jeopardizing your inner peace and upsetting you, if you can politely thwart it, you are on the right track to a more peaceful life.
Pass the torch. Use the example of the more positive people around you to guide you away from those who are familiar with unhealthy thoughts. You, in turn, become more optimistic by seeing others in their best light and by giving them compliments. Start a "chain of positive emotions" by being playful in your dealings with others: give compliments and accept them willingly, look people in the eye, and smile.
Become one with your environment and your needs. It can be difficult at first, but seeing everything as a blessing and always seeing the positives, things will fall into place. A calm, focused mind is smarter and produces sane thoughts.
Always strive to see the bright side of what you do. As soon as your inner voices speak louder than the outer ones, you will have achieved a higher degree of self-mastery.
If people think you are anti-social or arrogant, it doesn't matter; these terms are often used against those who are struggling to find a place in the world and to improve themselves. You have to become the most important person in your life. If their presence causes you undue pain, you are better off without them and walking away is neither disloyal nor snobbish. Remember that unhealthy people will try to convince you to see you in a way that fits with their negative view of the world; but their judgment is flawed, it is actually an excuse for their behavior and not an objective description of who you are.
Find one thing each day that you can be grateful for. Strive to do this until it becomes a habit that you cannot live without. Thanks to this, you will chase bad encounters from your mind and replace them with happy, harmonious, productive thoughts.
By keeping the above steps in mind, your mind will remain on its guard against those who, knowingly or not, are depressing you or casting doubt on your potential and abilities.
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